Purity and devotion

I have very strong negative emotions about the topic and haven’t got the energy to properly write this draft, especially since English is not my language, still I thought it was important to share this rant, it takes courage and even if nobody reads I want to register this on my blog.

I had to block several polytheism blogs I already avoided, the feeling I had with their writing was always negative but the impact recently has been overwhelming and makes me feel horrible and I’m definitely not someone the authors of the articles would consider a good polytheist anyway.

It’s like going to church and listening to the priest talking about sinners who are unworthy of god until they repent and knowing you are one of them. 
It worries me that polytheism writing makes me feel like this, unworthy, impure, gross and judged.

The truth is that it doesn’t matter how many cleansings and purifications I do because I will remain impure by their definitions, miasma doesn’t leave me, my thoughts are always unbalanced, by body and mind sick.

Some people can put things aside, I can’t, maybe they saw a movie, had a argument, read a book or got a cold, who knows? When it’s over, a purification ceremony done and it’s all good again, but what do we do when the illness is permanent, when the thoughts don’t leave, the dirty feeling and emotions of grossness stay, when a horrible story that leaves you unbalanced was not a movie or the news or a stranger story but your life and you don’t forget, because trauma, mental illness or chronic pain don’t leave and doesn’t care about purity, cleansings or whatever you do, there is no stop button because you want to pray or go to the shrine and be a good devotee.

So I do what I can, I keep my gods in my thoughts, do small acts of devotion, wash my hands and face when pain and depression lets me, pray in any way I can, improvise with what works and try to forget the opinions of others, no lightning struck me yet so as far as I know my gods are okay with this and ask that I don’t add distance and walls between us but reach closer, they can tell me what I need to know.

mypolytheism.wordpress.com

Since I’m support diversity in polytheism this looks like a great idea.

Strip Me Back To The Bone

So, I made a thing.

What are my goals with this new site?

Celebrating diversity in contemporary polytheism with a strong emphasis on building up. I want to honor our differences without having to use divisive language. I want there to be a visible, vocal alternative to the would-be gatekeepers. If the polytheist movement is to be a thing, I want it to be a diverse thing.  Mostly: I want those finding their way to polytheism, and those who are maybe not new to polytheism but new to interacting with other polytheists online to see that not all polytheists online are eager to tell them what they’re doing wrong.

I’m planning on purchasing a domain once I have the money for it, and I really want this to be about us, and not about me. It’s been suggested that questions get fielded, to keep conversation going, and my mind turns…

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Mini update

Hello,

I haven’t written anything lately because my depression got worse again. I’m using all my energy to keep being patient and trying new medications, I have complicated reactions and a strong resistance to any kind of medication so it’s extremely frustrating and depressing, I have been doing this since I was a teen and I had mental illness since a child, only therapy doesn’t help, I try to keep hopeful but it’s hard, at least I’m stubborn and too prideful to give up.

Adorning in Gems

This is something I use in my personal practice, in my case the associations are highly personal. Interesting article.

Beloved in Light

There is a certain thought out there, especially as I have noticed when reading on Vedic practices, that particular stones are by their virtue connected to a particular energy of a divine being, whether this be planetary or among higher deities. The wearing of these stones, minerals or substances in a sense endows the wearer with the grace of that deity, or in the case of the statue increases the flow of the divine presence between the deity and the icon (such as I have seen described on one website of a temple raising funds for a diamond crown for Lakshmi). This is the same idea in regards to wear the rudraska beads. That this can be in common with thoughts regarding Hellenic theurgy cannot be mistaken that a substance could endow a greater connection to a deity by its natural virtues and clarifications through its creation through the natural…

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Hundreds of Ways

An older post about a topic that is important to me. Hopefully it’s not a problem to reblog older articles.

Sex, Gods, and Rock Stars

“There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground.” – Rumi

“But not that way, that way makes you a poopiehead.” – Rumi’s younger cousin Boomi

As I mentioned briefly in my last entry, there’s been some controversy around certain portions of the Pagan blogosphere about the intersection of fandom and faith. Some talk of whether or not writing fanfic involving a God from older mythology is appropriate. Others want to know if making an altar to Superman is the same as making one to Osiris, or if its okay to use comic-book-derived images of certain Gods (most notably Thor and Loki) on altars to those Gods.

What I hear underneath it all, is a strong bias. No one would blink an eye if I wrote about how a modern song deepened my relationship to a God from an older mythology. Or if something considered “high art”, like…

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Drink From Another Cup….

This was an important post that I needed to read.

Hallowed Horns

“Walking between worlds is to recognise that the seen and unseen are no more or less real than one another.”

I awoke to this message from Cernunnos, while sitting and contemplating the sort of life I wish to lead, and the future I feel passionately driven to create. This quote really struck me, not because it isn’t obvious, but because we rarely act as though it’s true. I told Him as much, and His chuckling response was to say,

“I know it seems as though you are learning and re-learning the same things over and over, and this is because while these truths may be simple on the surface, they bear with them a complexity that must be experienced, to be completely understood.

A tree requires fertile ground after the seed has been planted. It needs nourishment in the form of water, and sunlight. Shade when it is too hot…

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A Quick Word

Flight of the Hamsa

While a thick skin may be a good thing to cultivate, insensitivity to the feelings of others is not.

– Saraswati, on interpersonal relationships

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