This is mostly about my health and a small update.
I’m currently changing my medical treatment for my mental health, my medications are always a challenge but this time they were not only useless, they were also doing more harm than good, I had to stop taking anything recently after some problems and the effect of this is overwhelming, in spite of some confusing good side effects of this change the bad was stronger at first and now it’s more balanced, my ability to cope with my naturally strong feelings is very weak, especially considering the long forced apathy I was dealing with having all of this suddenly throwed at me wasn’t easy to put it. The lack of cohesion and fast cyclical nature of my emotions recently makes everything harder but time is helping a little, if it wasn’t for the hormonal changes.
I have more inspiration and connectedness together with despair and sadness, the first part is most likely the reason why this post is possible. Spiritually speaking I am far better without the apathy and increased social anxiety since the medications were apparently making those conditions worse.
My creativity feels more alive as well.
I am extremely self aware of both my need to express myself and my pain in doing so, my focus on the flaws of posts, the anxiety, the fear of being unworthy of anything and feelings of things I have yet to understand.
I want to write but cannot trust my ability to do so, I don’t know about what I want to talk about and fear my own secrets.
Maybe trying to exercise my expression would be better, my mind is chaotic, how to understand what is happening and to use it is still a mystery that I need to study.
As for my mental health my journey starts again, new treatment and new doctor (lets see how long before this one gives up).
I’m tired but I will keep trying.